This is a scientifically accurate replica of OPII BIGGUS SHNOZOLUS, or "The Common Hefty-nosed Penguin". The range of this majestic seabird includes most of Antarctica and eastern Argentina, although they have been known to hop a cab and slip up to Iowa for a wild weekend. The food of the Hefty-nosed Penguin includes herring, halibut, young sardines, small assorted South Atlantic schooling fish and POP TARTS. Nesting season is early June. Mating behavior is as yet, still a mystery since the Hefty-nosed Penhuin is a descreet, if not easily embarrassed animal. When not feeding or caring for their young, the species will enjoy skinny-dipping, long hot baths, reminiscing about the 1960's, foot masages and listening to old MOODY BLUES records late at night with the lights out. Being fairly leberal minded, the Hefty-nosed Penguin would, as a group, all be driving used Volvos if they could reach the pedals. Their taste in television, by the way, is atrocious and merits no further elaboration here. In conclusion, the Hefty-nosed Penguin is a gentle bird...easily influenced and overly sensitive with their pleasant disposition and generally optimistic nature, the species is a welcome member of the WILD KINGDOM, even if they do eat crackers in bed. A few notes about this sub-species...Like other members of his genus, opii scrubbus shnozolus or, "The Common Drip-dry Penguin." enjoys spending time in the water. However, while his waterfowl brethren prefer to do their bathing in the south Atlantic ocean, the Common Drip-dry Penguin decidedly prefers a shower stall in New Jersey. With a shower message nozzle. This frequently grumpy species is easily identified by his distinctive call, which some have noted sounds something like, "HEY, WHO USED ALL THE #*@!* HOT WATER?".
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